We’re coming. We’re waiting at the edge of the city, peering around buildings at night, anticipating your submission to our commentary on the 1973 release of Messiah of Evil. As the blood moon rises, lie down on the swinging bed and enjoy details on the film, as well as Jason’s gas station rage, albino mulattos, Farrah’s nipples, Metallica’s downfall, theater prices, sexual compromising, more pre-Monster Bash scheming and one manly, macho high-five! So don’t be afraid. Once you’ve been taken, no one will hear you SCREAM!
It’s quite possible that this episode has gone well beyond the boundaries of prudence and good taste. In fact, it might taste a little… familiar. So, pull up a chair to the cannibal feast as Matt and Jason serve up a big ol’ slab of 1968 for their commentary on Spider Baby. Feel yourself caught in the web of movie trivia, women who look like monkeys, Hitler mustaches, gentleman vs. cad, exploring taboos, Matt’s post-virginity Disneyland visit, maxims for all occasions, civil rights destroying black acting careers and other bites that sting, sting, sting! After everything makes a big flash and goes BANG, your handsome hosts will delight you with their thoughts on recent films watched. Oh boy!
The zombies are coming. Run to wherever you think you’ll be safe, but Matt and Jason will be on the roof, well-armed and transmitting their commentary on the 1978 survival horror classic, Dawn of the Dead. If you haven’t been bitten yet, come on up as your handsome hosts instruct you on film details, mall culture, Matt’s hatred of the sweater vest zombie, Jason’s fledgling criminal career, surviving an undead assault, bad retro fashions, whiskey science experiments, the majesty of bullet belts, death with dignity, the illusion of safety, the Dawn of the Dead remake, and other large-caliber rounds to the head. So, don’t just sit there… GET UP AND KILL!
Is it a place of lodging, or a farm, or a shop for cheap, quality meats? Well, it’s ALL THREE, silly! So, just plant yourself in the secret garden and listen to Terror Transmission’s hypnotic commentary on 1980’s Motel Hell. And if you think Farmer Vincent’s fritters taste strange, wait until you get a load of Matt and Jason as they playfully grind up some movie details, more VHS nostalgia, population control, flirting with cannibalism, how to score damaged chicks, implied incest, fat-kid anger, Jason’s girlfriend’s hummus and various other schemes to lure you into compliance. Too many people, not enough food, but just the right amount of facts and funny. And, best of all… NO preservatives!
We’re sorry to disturb you but we’re at Q-2 status. It looks like we found that lost commentary for 1985’s The Return of the Living Dead. Yes, Terror Fiends, we’re pretty sure. We’re getting confirmations on this in the form of film facts, fast zombies, vengeful party hats, ’80s punks, wizard sleeves, the perverted majesty of Blu-ray, dog-urine birthday cakes, the wrongness of “Thom” and other rabid weasels. Apparently, there is no contingency plan and all that can be heard is a cry of BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIINS! So, given your options, are you wondering what would be the most horrible way to die? Well, not hearing this episode, of course!
The podcast you are about to listen to is an account of the tragedy which befell two drinking men with a pair of microphones. It is all the more tragic that they were somewhat young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to bring you the mad and macabre commentary for the 1974 release of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. For them an idyllic summer afternoon became a nightmare of cinematic cannibalism, the radiant ’70s sex power of Marilyn Burns, misanthropy, scream queens, misdirected feminism, umlauts, and lots and lots and lots and lots of screaming. The events of that day were to lead to one of the most bizarre recordings in the annals of American history. And, it’s kinda funny, too.
These are the facts as we know them. There is an epidemic of mass murder being committed by a virtual army of unidentified assassins. So, stay in your homes and keep a close listen to this episode of Terror Transmission as we warn you of the dangers of 1968’s Night of the Living Dead. Eyewitnesses describe two of the assassins as handsome, well-spoken and answering to the names of Matt and Jason. They also appear to have a lot of say about the dissolution of the American family, fear and identity, social breakdown, gang bang records and mass murder fantasies, plus M&J’s making of “Night of the Living Deadbeats” parody short and some brief mentions of Monster Bash 2011 happenings. Once they’re finished getting “all messed up,” join your hosts as they discuss recent DVD viewings. Now get the hell down in the cellar!