Hello, kiddies! Tune in for a terror-ific turn of deceit, revenge and murder as your handsome hosts bring you some creep-tastic commentary on 1972’s Tales from the Crypt. Get ready for five foul fables in the form of movie background, media censorship, the bouncy and bitchy beauty of Joan Collins, haunting car crashes, seduction through grief, our culture’s fear of child/adult interaction, dark Canadian menace, hookers for the handicapped, how Fred ruined the ascot, whether blindness is funny, and other moldy mentions for you boils and ghouls. Death is coming. But who’s next? Perhaps… you?
There’s a psychopath roaming the streets of New York City. And no matter how fancy shmancy you think you are with your fancy dresses and lipstick, he’ll get you. Unless, of course, you find that poorly-lit alleyway where Matt and Jason will drive you crazy with their commentary on the 1980 release of Maniac. Strike a few sexy poses while your handsome hosts take you away with film background, red light districts, urban paranoia, the gritty ’70s NYC cinema, ironic hipster nonsense, hot modern mannequins, angry womyn, vintage porn critiques, horror survival tips, the Maniac remake and other means to possess you… forever.
You can hear the sound of a van pulling up behind you. The assaultive scent of Naugahyde and Aqua Velva follows as the approaching disco beat arouses your senses. You can’t help yourself. You get into the vehicle as the driver pops in another 8-track tape; this time, commentary on 1980’s Prom Night. Two handsome hunks in the back are staring lewdly at you and drinking heavily as you hear the chatter of film facts, Canadian slasher movie history, smart people who agree with Jason and the stupid people who do not, cruel kids, Matt’s van-tasies, the Lou-nibrow, hot chicks in hot pants, disco vs. rock, the majesty of Slick, advice for teen virgins, why horny kids get killed and other things that are gonna get you. When you awake by the side of the road two hours later, just go home and never, ever tell anyone. No one but you will ever know. Maybe.
Bolted doors and windows barred – Matt and Jason stand on guard – another episode not to dread – yes, of course, it’s Pumpkinhead! And with that terrible rhyme comes their commentary on this 1988 creature feature. So, just in case God doesn’t show (and he won’t), enter the witch’s lair and sit a spell while your handsome hosts dig up their deepest thoughts on film background, a salute to our Italian-American friends, douchebags with headbands, city kids invading the rural areas, the ubiquity of denim in ’80s cinema, the gaping terror of Bundt cakes, gender ambiguity in monsters, names you can’t take seriously, Pumpkinhead’s black metal makeover, the evolution of music subculture chicks, and other things that’ll scare the piss out of you. For each of man’s evils, a special demon exists. And this one stinks of booze and off-color jokes.
In honor of our 100th episode, it has been decided that the malignant influence of the show should now extend far beyond our earthly bounds. So, your handsome hosts have rocketed into the deepest reaches of space to spread their vile commentary on 1981’s Galaxy of Terror. The Master has spoken! So enter the wet black hole and receive movie background, Eddie Albert Junior hatred, old man moments, fictional planets for carnal misconduct, picking on sacred cows, Jason’s love of Red Shoe Diaries, magic psychedelic beer, sexual assault in movies, film opinions changing over time, and other celestial silliness. Your countdown to Hell is about to begin. So, start drinking now!
You have received a transmission of unknown origin. The course of your journey has been interrupted for three hours in the darkness of space, in which no one can hear you scream. Your special order is to return with our commentary on 1979’s Alien. All other priorities are rescinded as your handsome hosts celebrate Terror Transmission’s 4th anniversary. You’ll also have plenty of time before the emergency destruct system reaches zero to enjoy film background, misunderstood genius, movie tech vs. modern-day tech, science fiction’s influence on actual tech, machine vs. man vs. monster, “face hugging”, Matt Meets The Plush Godzilla, token vs. token, dictator directors, comparison to Aliens and other primordial pustulence. This is Matt and Jason, signing off.
Right now, he’s out there. Watching, waiting. Don’t look… he’ll see you. Don’t move… he’ll hear you. Don’t breathe… just listen carefully as Matt and Jason give it to you straight at their fireside chat on 1981’s The Burning. Deep in the forest, you’ll hear the cries of film details, the glut of camping murder movies, pot deal refunds, IMDB idiocy, Matt’s love of ice princesses, summer camp memories, the horrors of terrycloth, the misunderstood Cropsy and other revenge on those meddling kids. So, are you in? Because, if not… YOU’RE DEAD!
We like pretty girls. We only kill pretty girls. And that’s why only a couple of ladykillers like Matt and Jason could bring you the sanguinary saga of 1964’s Blood and Black Lace. So, slip on your murder mask and meet us on the catwalk as we parade movie details, quack psychology, misogyny around the world, spontaneous homicide musings, Jason’s million mentions of Black Sabbath (the movie), the compliance of deceased sexual partners, Bava vs. Argento, models as meat, and other tasty Italian treats. Does the sight of beauty make you lose control? Then listen in!
The funeral is about to begin. Never mind the scurrying creatures and flying weaponized spheres. Just bow your head and hang on tight as Matt and Jason open the portal to 1979’s Phantasm. You might think that when you die, you go to Heaven, but you’ll actually come to us for movie trivia, ’70s dirtbag guys, why modern cars suck, Matt’s intentionally bad French, hair helmets, bachelorette parties gone wild, dwarf vs. midget vs. little person, unisex names, and other things that are little, brown and low to the ground. It’s definitely going to be a hot time. Hot as love. You know?
Teleportation can have some odd side effects. You might start sprouting strange hairs or even acquire the ability to climb all over the walls. If these and other symptoms persist, you should listen immediately to our helpful commentary on 1986’s The Fly. Although your handsome hosts are not actual scientists, they will professionally guide you through film facts, improbable user interfaces in cinema, Jason’s magical journey through someone else’s beard, post-coital decorum, judging hairstyles, science over belief, the BrundleFly / Michael Jackson connection, Matt trying J&B for the first time and other means by which to make your flesh crazy. So, take a deep penetrating dive into our plasma pool, and we’ll see you on the other side.