Right now, he’s out there. Watching, waiting. Don’t look… he’ll see you. Don’t move… he’ll hear you. Don’t breathe… just listen carefully as Matt and Jason give it to you straight at their fireside chat on 1981’s The Burning. Deep in the forest, you’ll hear the cries of film details, the glut of camping murder movies, pot deal refunds, IMDB idiocy, Matt’s love of ice princesses, summer camp memories, the horrors of terrycloth, the misunderstood Cropsy and other revenge on those meddling kids. So, are you in? Because, if not… YOU’RE DEAD!
Teleportation can have some odd side effects. You might start sprouting strange hairs or even acquire the ability to climb all over the walls. If these and other symptoms persist, you should listen immediately to our helpful commentary on 1986’s The Fly. Although your handsome hosts are not actual scientists, they will professionally guide you through film facts, improbable user interfaces in cinema, Jason’s magical journey through someone else’s beard, post-coital decorum, judging hairstyles, science over belief, the BrundleFly / Michael Jackson connection, Matt trying J&B for the first time and other means by which to make your flesh crazy. So, take a deep penetrating dive into our plasma pool, and we’ll see you on the other side.
Nazarene charlatan, what can you offer humanity? Certainly not the greatest horror commentary podcast… EVER! And where he has failed, Matt and Jason deliver with their utterly blasphemous commentary on 1981’s The Final Conflict. So, sit back and let your handsome hosts show you the raptures of their kingdom through movie facts, feeling the spirit, Bud Dwyer, Reagan and the Fundies, Christian hypocrisy, the enjoyment of power, Jason’s fascination with twins, bad girls, failed prophecies and other trivial lusts and perversions. Disciples of the Watch… do you HEAR US!
How can you keep two handsome hosts of a horror commentary podcast from turning into a thousand ugly monsters? First, don’t pour cheap liquor onto (or into) them. Second, make sure they can’t record at night and away from all sunlight. And, third, stop them from feeding after midnight upon 1984’s Gremlins. Well, okay, you really can’t stop them so you might as well stand aside and let them make a mess of movie details, teen rebel memories, Jason’s hatred for Aretha Franklin and shoulder pads, Matt’s comparison of Gremlins to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, plenty of Phoebe Cates worship, burlesque bosoms, Richie Rich, the glorious greed of Christmas, horror in malls, Gizmo the Ladies’ Man and other adorable cries from the ornate Chinese box. So, listen in or we’ll stuff your dead dad down the chimney in a Santa suit.
Are you ready for Freddy? Your handsome hosts sure are and we’ve stayed up WAY too late to bring you the 1984 classic slasher, A Nightmare On Elm Street. So, pick up a bottle and veg out with us as we put to bed some razor-sharp movie trivia, the whiskey spit take, the hotness of availability, ’80s morality, how Matt became a KISS fan, sleepwear advice for ladies, childhood bedroom shockers, the paralyzing fear of herpes, slutty theater girls and other things a crucifix won’t stop. Then, when you wake up — IF you ever wake up — stick around as we rip our way through listener e-mail. Enjoy the show or just our pretty voices. But whatever you do. Don’t. Fall. Asleep.
We believe we have made a significant find in the ruins of 1981, an audio volume of ancient drunken babble and entertaining movie chatter. The episode is entitled “The Evil Dead” — roughly translated: Awesome Commentary! It deals with demons and demon resurrection and those forces which roam the forest and dark bowers of Man’s domain such as film details, Deep Throat, the Jewish zombie question, our three-year anniversary, the Not-Campbell, arboreal rape, crappy beer, humor vs. horror, and other creatures that may lie dormant but are never truly dead. So listen in and, like the others before you, one by one, we will take you. JOIN US!
England is a pretty hairy place. Lots of bloody horrible things could happen to you: bad teeth, a penchant for darts, drinking warm beer, wearing floppy hats and, of course, an unnatural death by lycanthropic attack. So, that’s why you should take directions from us by listening to our carnivorous commentary on 1981’s An American Werewolf in London. Until the curse is lifted, follow Matt and Jason completely off the road and into movie background, having fun with the British, being an upright citizen like Jason, pre-Monster Bash hijinks, urinating strategies, seducing innocent girls, the anger towards musical ringtones, the “Fonz Pubis” disease, Swiss Army knife suicide tips and other severe beatings about the face and neck. After the body is left bleeding and naked in an alleyway, join your handsome hosts in a discussion of Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows movie. So, listen in or we will mock you… even in death!
Are you looking for an experience beyond limits? Wanting to become an explorer in the further regions? Let’s face it: Are you a bit kinky… and THEN SOME? Well, here at Terror Transmission, we’re waiting to hoist you upon the proverbial hooks by means of our puzzling commentary on 1987’s Hellraiser. Demons? Angels? None of that will matter while you lament the punishment of film details, shoulder pads, Jason meeting Captain Kangaroo, sexual beach assaults, the multifaceted gem of deception, modern primitives, and other topics from two libertines who definitely have some disturbing sights to show you. Now, you must come with us. Taste our drunken, debauched, foul-mouthed pleasures.
Is it a place of lodging, or a farm, or a shop for cheap, quality meats? Well, it’s ALL THREE, silly! So, just plant yourself in the secret garden and listen to Terror Transmission’s hypnotic commentary on 1980’s Motel Hell. And if you think Farmer Vincent’s fritters taste strange, wait until you get a load of Matt and Jason as they playfully grind up some movie details, more VHS nostalgia, population control, flirting with cannibalism, how to score damaged chicks, implied incest, fat-kid anger, Jason’s girlfriend’s hummus and various other schemes to lure you into compliance. Too many people, not enough food, but just the right amount of facts and funny. And, best of all… NO preservatives!
Under extreme duress, people are capable of extraordinary behavior. But, going after Crystal Lake’s most infamous killer will take more than just nerves of steel and a bad haircut. You’ll need horny teenagers for bait, an arsenal of home and garden tools for weapons, and some twisted advice from Matt and Jason contained in their commentary for 1984’s Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter. Enter the morgue as your handsome hosts slide open the drawer so you can identify movie facts, Zito’s neck, slasher favorites, metal in horror movies, advice for slutty teens, cinematic misdirection, the Coreys and other dismembered parts. Could this really be the last chapter? Listen in and find out.