SCREAM! Scream with everything you’ve got! Scream as your handsome hosts put a strange creature inside you known as the 1959 release of The Tingler. Sure, it’s an ugly and dangerous thing, but stick around and don’t panic as Matt and Jason bring you movie commentary, the perfection of mute girlfriends, made-up sexy sitcoms, the “coming” of the lord, LSD experimentation, the insensitivity of your hosts, trusting in doctors, the things Hitler didn’t ruin and other frightening shocks. So, make sure to scream at the right time. It might just save your life.
From the diary of Terror Transmission: First of April, 2014. At last, our long journey of drunken debauchery has come to this, the cryptacular commentary on 1958’s Horror of Dracula. Have yourself some wine because you’ll need it as you enter the castle vaults for our “arguably” best movie background, the seductive vampire, stealing gothic home furnishings, Jason’s Doris Day hatred, the limitations of being leading men, Matt’s love of Lisas, Codename: Hummus, vampire wish lists, cross-pollenating mediocrity and other unspeakable evils. It only remains for you now to await the daylight hours. Until then, sleep well, Terror Fiends.
High atop the icy mountain peaks, the tentacled terror awaits you. Given the circumstances, there isn’t much time to descend the face of that terrible cliff. But, you do have an hour or two to spare for a breath of fresh air known as 1958’s The Crawling Eye. Avalanches are the least of your worries as you survive the harsh conditions of movie background, the crawling fly, the return of British evil, tacky Americana, Jason’s type of guy, the Germans and their twisted naughty films, the NEW chosen land, pseudoscientific quackery, another out-of-the-blue Bond rant, eugenics, and other radioactive freaks of nature. That’s right. Nasty business. Very nasty.
Everybody needs some change now and again, to get away from it all and become someone else. Or… something else. So, enter the disintegration chamber and your handsome hosts will see you on the other end with their recombinant commentary for 1958’s The Fly. Sometimes you have to destroy in order to create, and Matt and Jason do their share of breaking down movie background, math wizards, dumb horror podcasts, the perils of Canadian French, heavy metal facelifts, the hotness of crying girls, repressed ’50s housewives, tips for finding sex entertainment in Quebec, post-1985 James Bond hate, and other questionable experiments. But, don’t worry. They wouldn’t harm anything… not even a fly.
People often put teenagers down. Whether it’s for their music or their fashions or their inexperience with the world around them, teens sure get a lot of flack. On top of all that, they might even have to deal with uncontrollable lycanthropic tendencies and related bloodthirsty demands. When that happens, the only ones to turn to are Matt and Jason as they unleash the savage instincts of 1957’s I Was A Teenage Werewolf. Try not to cry as they inject you with film details, the dread of meeting the parents, Matt’s hatred for whistlers, Jason’s reading glasses sex ploy, teenage hormonal rage, marrying gorillas, booby hatches, Costello Meets Cohen’s Wallet, shaved porn, not-picky blind girls, killing retro TV show brats and other transformative tidbits. Now, really. What’s one life compared to such a podcast?
No footprints, no blood, no sign of a struggle. That might sound like the clever post-cleanup from one of Matt’s or Jason’s dates gone wrong, but it also describes the ghastly remains of a super-spider’s lunch! What to do? Well, pay close attention as your handsome hosts weave a web of commentary around you, protecting you from the strange side effects of 1955’s Tarantula! As the anti-toxin flows through your veins, enjoy the trip of movie background, lusting the grown up Shirley Temple, the joy of being cultural shut-ins, quack science, women in a man’s film world, lots of movies your hosts like, drunken Nietzscheans, Jason’s fear of spiders, and other creepy crawlers. After the napalm drops, retreat to your own peaceful desert as M&J discuss recent films viewed. And, remember: Science or no science, a girl’s got to get her hair done.
Some would say that this world is ruled by demons and monsters, and that we may as well give up right now. Others believe in witchcraft and the supernatural, that evil is good and good is evil. And then there are your handsome hosts, who just want to drink, ogle women and chat about movies. So, true believers, fire up your imagination and get ready for some crafty commentary on 1957’s Night of the Demon. And while we’re not from Missouri, we will indeed show you movie background, boobs, occult conspiracies, the magic of children, skepticism, Jason’s hatred for the Andy Griffith show, psychological curses, dumb Deicide lyrics, playing the odds and… boobs! Once you emerge from the powers of darkness, stay tuned as Matt and Jason share their thoughts on recently-watched movies. Oh, no! It’s in the trees! It’s COMING!
Ever feel like the people around you — your family, your friends, your lovers — just don’t seem themselves lately? Sure, you could blame the economy or the doldrums of daily life. Or… maybe they AREN’T themselves! Maybe they’re beings from another world bent on mediocrity and apathy. Sound entertaining? Well, of course it is when you unwillingly absorb our commentary for the 1956 science fiction classic, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. So, WAKE UP and let two grumpy old men plant some ideas in your heads, such as movie background, drugging your kids, rooster loops, making a tasty Manhattan, herd conformity versus individuality, the hotness of crying girls, and other alarming claims. Of course, if you fail to understand, then the same incredible terror will strike at YOU! That’s right, you’re NEXT!
Ladies and gentlemen! You have been called here again to receive further information from the farthest reaches of our galaxy. We will relay teleradio commentary for the 1958 interplanetary monstrosity, It! The Terror From Beyond Space. Once assumed to be lost in the cosmos, Matt and Jason are still at the helm, guiding their metallic missile straight into movie trivia, Jason’s endless list of “favorite” movies, getting around sodomy laws, George Lucas’s neck, the Occupy Pantyless Women movement, quack science in films and other murderous Martian madness. Following touchdown, your handsome crew will debrief you on their recently watched DVDs. Enjoy. But make sure you close that darn hatch!
Welcome, Terror Fiends. It seems Matt and Jason have rented a house tonight so that they can give a party, and you’re all invited. There will be food and drink and ghosts, and perhaps even a few murders. If any of you will spend the next two hours listening to our commentary on 1959’s House on Haunted Hill… well, we won’t give you each ten thousand dollars. But we will give you some spooktacular synopses on movie gimmicks, William Castle, giant blonde mullets, bad relationship advice, mondegreens, and some truly heart-stopping facts on our feature film. The party’s starting now. Are you brave enough to stay all night?