Beauty might have killed the beast but there is no way to shackle down and tame this episode of Terror Transmission. Matt and Jason are liquored up and ready to take you on a grim expedition through the dense jungle of Skull Island for their captive commentary on 1933’s King Kong. You might not get the damsel in distress but you’ll get plenty of film facts, conservationism, Jesus and his dinosaur fetish, Matt’s dream “yacht rock” outfit, perfect areolas, the Official Terror Transmission Ebola Charity Donation Fund, swimming seamen, child-coddling / gender-neutral / everyone’s-a-winner / anti-boy magazine ideas, fake prehistoric animals, wealth vs. sex, the muscle baby cameo, a brief history of giant monsters in film and other gorilla tactics. Holy mackerel! What a show!
Buenos tacos, Terror Fiends! Get on your burros and ride the hard road to Hell as Matt and Jason preach the unholy commentary gospel of 1977’s Alucarda. Blood will flow and nipples will harden as your handsome hosts bring you glorious blasphemy through movie facts, tequila, half-naked sellers of gum, bacon-wrapped nuns, blind sex partner fantasies, girl/girl discovery, Christianity as death-worshipping cult, the fashion risks of cloak-wearing, true freedom of speech and other freaky gypsy trinkets. Ave Diablo!
SCREAM! Scream with everything you’ve got! Scream as your handsome hosts put a strange creature inside you known as the 1959 release of The Tingler. Sure, it’s an ugly and dangerous thing, but stick around and don’t panic as Matt and Jason bring you movie commentary, the perfection of mute girlfriends, made-up sexy sitcoms, the “coming” of the lord, LSD experimentation, the insensitivity of your hosts, trusting in doctors, the things Hitler didn’t ruin and other frightening shocks. So, make sure to scream at the right time. It might just save your life.
“What kind of a place did you say this was?” It is a house of pain wherein your handsome hosts make… things. Things! Great big commentary things, like this one for 1932’s Island of Lost Souls. Strand yourself in this doomed locale as Matt and Jason perform their curious ceremony of film background, promoting the beast in Man, learning mammary euphemisms from Jason’s son, flossing with nipple hair, Matt’s view on Mormons, burning down your own neighborhood in protest, junkies in Burlington and other great achievements. Are you not terror fiends?
If you forgot what terror was like… it’s back. Your handsome hosts have returned to the beach, luring you into the water with their consuming commentary on 1975’s Jaws. So, before you go swimming, enjoy the clear skies and gentle surf as Matt and Jason go overboard for movie facts, Hollywood conspiracies, how new movies suck, why Matt doesn’t swim, bad nautical puns, the inevitability of nature, hippie naiveté, plus musings about Monster Bash 2014 and other floating bloody chum. So, if you want to stay alive, then ante up. We need the booze money.
Dreams or nightmares? Madness or sanity? Do you know which is which? Join the seance and discover that nothing’s ever completely dead as your handsome hosts bring you in contact with their commentary on the 1971 release of Let’s Scare Jessica To Death. Matt and Jason will be swaying to and fro, channeling drunken spirits and invoking movie details, the “other” kind of blossoms, scary girls, the desperate King Diamond tie-ins, chicken solidarity, assaulting the elderly, home porn faces, gritty ’70s cinema, the world against Terror Transmission, and other things that come out of the water. And if anyone asks what you learned from this episode, don’t tell them. Act normal.
This episode is dedicated to the memory of Garou Wolfman. His growls and howls will be sorely missed.
It’s possible that, by drinking heavily and watching this movie, your handsome hosts might have summoned demons who used to rule the universe to come and take over the world. So spin your metal albums backwards and join Matt and Jason in the fires of their own hideous commentary on 1987’s The Gate. It’s an enjoyable descent into film facts, heavy metal memories, Matt’s VHS capers, the weird kid in the corner, childhood movie crushes, purple camels, rooster hairdos, backmasking, psychedelic ejaculate, undead Harryhausen and other “touching” moments. Just make sure you’ve launched your rockets at the end. That’s the best!
From the diary of Terror Transmission: First of April, 2014. At last, our long journey of drunken debauchery has come to this, the cryptacular commentary on 1958’s Horror of Dracula. Have yourself some wine because you’ll need it as you enter the castle vaults for our “arguably” best movie background, the seductive vampire, stealing gothic home furnishings, Jason’s Doris Day hatred, the limitations of being leading men, Matt’s love of Lisas, Codename: Hummus, vampire wish lists, cross-pollenating mediocrity and other unspeakable evils. It only remains for you now to await the daylight hours. Until then, sleep well, Terror Fiends.
Seated in the darkened theater, you notice that something doesn’t feel right. There’s an uncomfortable mood in the air amongst the crowd. But, just who are the audience and who are the actors? It is a question best answered, if at all, in our commentary on the 1985 splatterfest known as Demons. Let your handsome hosts snort coke off your cleavage as they sexily discuss film details, hot girls with ugly dogs, oopsie-poopsie, Matt and Jason’s dating tips, skunk-spray birthday cake, drowning ponies, getting lucky in the movie theater, metal in Italian horror, concert destruction tales, cathartic violence, choosing your Argento sister and other instruments of evil. So, don’t bother trying to stop the movie. Because we’ll see you all in Hell.
Hello, kiddies! Tune in for a terror-ific turn of deceit, revenge and murder as your handsome hosts bring you some creep-tastic commentary on 1972’s Tales from the Crypt. Get ready for five foul fables in the form of movie background, media censorship, the bouncy and bitchy beauty of Joan Collins, haunting car crashes, seduction through grief, our culture’s fear of child/adult interaction, dark Canadian menace, hookers for the handicapped, how Fred ruined the ascot, whether blindness is funny, and other moldy mentions for you boils and ghouls. Death is coming. But who’s next? Perhaps… you?